spirals 

green 

Water reflections 

Fountain facing north on Delaware 

Steps leading to the fountain at Gates Circle 

Gates Circle in Buffalo 

Fellow Photographers

Just wanted to blab about this neat little photo-sharing program called HELLO, which is what I use to upload my photos here. Not only is it the easiest way to upload photos to your blog, but it's this great little chat program too.

I have a photographer friend who also installed it and we chat there and send our photos back and forth throughout the whole conversation. It's really cool, because it loads so much faster than Yahoo or MSN. And it keeps a running "filmstrip" along the bottom of the screen, so you can go back and forth between photos. The area for the photos is much larger than a webcam window and the screen for chat is a bit smaller. It also automatically downloads the other person's photos for you into a folder on your hard drive. So it's fun if you have a friend who takes photos as much as you do (as does my friend). Oh and it's got this really really cool thing that happens everytime you type the word "heart" or "kiss" or XO or a smiley face. I won't tell you what happens---you'll have to try it our for yourselves ;)

My biggest complaint about the program is that sometimes I can't log in when I want to. Very irritating. And you can't use your webcam live (though you can take shots with it and freeze them and send them immediately to the other person) and you have to look to the top of the conversation (instead of logically the bottom of it) to see if the person is "typing." Other than these minor bugs, I like it a lot!

More Buffalo 

Buffalo 

Cave of the winds from above---part of "Niagara" with Marilyn Monroe was filmed here  

More on the way down to the Horseshoe Falls 

On the way to Niagara Falls 

Blurry is good :) 

more me on the blurry cam 

oh look...it's me :) on the blurry webcam 

UPSIDE DOWN

hair in water
dragged like
seaweed
horizon silve
under dusk
view hung
upside down
new world
glimmers cooly
in distance.

The Photo

Floor to ceiling piece
in black and white
fools me--a photo
from a distance--life size
so that if I move closer
I can enter the doorway
to that room where a chair
with a curved back faces
away, surprised to discover
its charcoal and paper
shadows fool me, like a flashof
figure out of the corner
of my eye, keep thinking
you're there, that you're one thing
then upon inspection discover
still gone, still dead, not there-
the other thing.

Before I Sleep

As I've mentioned before, I read a few political blogs about Middle East issues. Largely this started when I was applying for the Fulbright to go to Egypt, and then, well, you all know...the rest of the story about EGYPT (sigh). I'm applying again, btw, but this time won't be investing myself into it like last time. Anyway...

I still read those blogs, and one in particular. I've also mentioned that I get attacked there in the comments section (as do many others) if I dare to say something positive or nice, etc. I mentioned to one of my friends, that this was happening, and just wondering why, no matter WHERE I GO, this seems to happen to me. I mean, come on, even in the freakin' blogosphere, where I am semi-anonymous (not so much anymore), people feel the need to attack me (remember the abusive high school principal I worked for who hated my guts, and prior to that, the evil queen of grant writing?).

Well, there are two things that have come to me, from my musings about this. First though, I have to mention that I have continued to wonder what is the gift I am supposed to get from all this crap? You know, what am I supposed to learn or whatever? I think of something my friend Judy said about those two previous abusers, and some things that I said. That the only way those two women could act the way they did, was because they had been so badly treated in their own lives, and that they were so miserable. Even if they were hurting me with their behavior, I could get away from them (which I did). But they couldn't escape themselves. They had miserable lives, because NO ONE could act the way they did and be a happy or content person.

Judy would tell me to pray for the evil queen, to try to see her humanity, to bless her. Ugh. It was nearly impossible. She really did some horrible things to me in the short time I knew her (though my clients sent me flowers and I secured large amounts of money for others--the universe didn't want her to win, that was for sure). I still can't say that prayer about her. The only thing, and I don't want to even give her any credit for this, is that if she hadn't been so unbearable, I might never have taken the leap of faith I did. And I have never regretted that leap, not even in the worst moments of pressure in school and no money, etc. Her hateful ways, made me really re-examine everything. Who said our best teachers are sometimes not the nicest ones? Or something like that...

And now about these attacks on that blog. Well, some of the things being said about me are pretty nasty. Of course, these people don't know me at all, so it's not so hard to let it roll of my back. I realized the other day though, that this person who continually likes to mess with me there, has really done me a favor. He has really shown me how I have grown. He's made shitty sexual and fat remarks about me; things that several years ago would have wounded me. But these comments have not. I realized the other day, that this is my gift from this man who spews negativity there. He's made me realize how far I have come. How strong I have become. I thank him for that.

And lastly, I have begun to try and see the people who act hatefully, as compassionately as I can. It's practice. I became so good at social work and counseling, because I learned this gift from my friend Fares. He always was able to see the best in me, even when I couldn't. He saw me for who I really was. When I was a social worker, I learned to do that too. I learned that every single person has something unique and special about them. Everyone. For some people though, it is so buried under pain, that they can hardly ever express this part of themselves.

That is what I wanted to say before I sleep. Not very cohesive. But down in the ether of the Internet now, at least.

At the Pantheon 

I DON'T like my hair in this one, but the scene is cool, so I'll post it. I miss Paris...sigh...(Thanksgiving...shooting for my return...) 

Who's who? Taken by Todd at port de clingincort (sp?? too lazy once again to look it up) fleamarket in Paris. I like my hair and face in this one a lot.  

Me at la musee de l' Orangerie a Paris (taken by Doug) standing in front of Monet's water lillies (two oval rooms of them--an installation he supervised himself) 

I need a man...(taken by Carole in DC many years ago)...lol 

Looking out the back of 20Yankee...little single engine Cessna