My Birthday

It's my birthday today, just in case anyone cares! I am almost officially middle aged...oh my God, I can't believe that....39...but everyone new I meet thinks I am in my late 20's or early 30's. Cool!

IN SHOCK

I really did not think that SOME of my fellow Americans were as stupid as they have actually turned out to be. Why am I surprised at this? I have no idea, but I am shocked, really. Because the truth is, the majority of voting Americans, it appears, are completely unconscious. Some of my ranting below:

I HATE BUSH

I woke up this morning and as soon as I saw who had won the election, that Kerry had conceded, I began to scream "No no no no!!!" and stomp around the house. I am utterly and completely depressed. I feel in shock. If you are a bush supporter, don't bother reading any further, because I am about to insult you.

What the f--- is wrong with people??? Voting for him because he supports banning gay marriage? Because he believes in GOD?? (does God believe in him? doubtful) Because he is "fighting terrorism"??? (by using our young men and women as the weapon? by killing innocent Iraqis?) Because he came up with NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND? but I work for a school where ALL THE TEACHERS ARE LEFT BEHIND because there just isn't enough money to fund all the things needed to take every child with us? Because he's so SMART and ARTICULATE??? Wait, maybe it's because he's done so much for the economy??? Like completely unbalanced our budget! OR wait, it must be that people voted for him because he is such a wonderful world diplomat, making friends for the US everywhere he goes, or our military goes. Yes, these MUST be the reasons that SOME of my fellow Americans (I am cringing now) voted for this man (?).

I am embarressed to share the same citizenship with these people who cannot see clearly what this bastard has been doing to our beloved country. Pretty soon we will have a nice, non-secular government run by religious zealots. Oh wait, maybe we are already there.

OK. Now I am done. For the moment.

My dad's 1930 Ford Model A Roadster he built basically from scratch. I asked him once who made the wood steering wheel and dashboard, and he said "Me!" Unbelievable! 

Election Prediction

According to AA, Aljazeera is predicting already that Kerry will win with 310 electoral votes. Good God, lets hope so. I hate to be one of those "anyone's better than bush"ies, but I am.

Bill Moyers

Before you VOTE today, please take a moment and listen to a speech by Bill Moyers.

Dial-up

Broadband

Now go VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE

Want To Remember

his sagging loose belly
the feel of vertebrae
along his back
the smooth coolness of each
paw's pads the way
he'd spread the toes
when I'd caress
that middle part, let me
rub his belly, pet his paws
take flesh of ear
in between thumb and forefinger
and run over them
from base to tip
his strong forepaws
clasping my arm as I
try to pull away
from petting the gnaw
of yellowed and tartered teeth
on my knuckles
or the sharp claws
he never quite learned
to retract, want to
remember distinct
clear yowl, insistent
stare, tail flipping
feet kicking cat litter
box lid lifting with his
large frame
always the first thing
anyone ever said
upon seeing you
wow, what a big cat.

Mourning

She has been looking for you
in the usual places
your carrier
under the desk
at the end of my bed
kitchen windowsill
corner of the couch.

Less now
than first four months
of running out the door
sniffing--
settling down
an audible sigh
visible heaviness--
into the same open
cold spot on
the hardwood floor.

I cannot tell her
of your fate
I cannot explain
about that day.

No singing
petting
crying
talking
prayer

soothes the sister
that grew together
with you
in your mother's belly
thirteen years
ago.

We are not the same
who knew
we'd miss you
this much
my boy
my cat
hers too.

For Eddie

Still have that image of you etched
like a bittersweet design of ice
on my chilled heart of glass
didn't feel your last breath
how God took you back
but knew once gone, how you were lost.

POUND

Go, my songs, to the lonely and the unsatisfied...
Speak against the tyranny of the unimaginative,
Speak against bonds...
Go to those whose delicate desires are thwarted...
Be against all forms of oppression...
Go out and defy opinion...

- Commission- Ezra Pound

MORE RUMI

"Open your eyes and you will see at last he is walking in your garden like the breeze at dawn."--RUMI

"Gold becomes constantly more and more beautiful from the blows the jeweler inflicts on it."--
RUMI

HI KATE :)

I'll email you haloscan and other info stuff :) Hope you are doing ok dear...glad you liked the poem.

For Michelle and Donna and Kate

I posted a photo of this poem in the last post. You may either click on the photo to enlarge it and read it (or right click on it and click "save as" to save it to your computer). I wish I could say I knew the author, but I do not. I will look for it later...

Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you,
whatever we were to each other,
that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
speak to me in the easy way you always used to.
Put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name ever be the household word it always was:
let it be spoken without effect,
without the ghost of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was;
there is absolutely unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be put out of mind,
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.
All is well.

I don't know if anyone will be able to read this one...but it speaks to grief...and I thought some of you, might appreciate it...it is one of my favorite pieces about death...and I think it's so true... 

Me and Dougie...one of my oldest friends in the world...since the 6th grade :) 

Some errant leaves beforehand... 

just some of the delicious spread :) 

Grandma something-or-other :) lol 

Grandma something or other :) lol 

Happy Halloween...shots from a party I just attended... 

On Grief and Love

I heard the cat's little meow this morning as I was waking up, and felt a little body jump up to the bed. Say what you will, she was with me this morning, after a night of sadness...this is when Eddie would always appear somehow as well...

"Your grief lasted so long...Look, healing is here. Your door was locked. Look, here is the key."-RUMI

Y has returned today as well. I never expected it. Never in a million years. He was so mad. Very mad. I let him go but now he's back. Sigh...I missed him. It feels weird without him. So he feels the same I guess.

"You touched the egg of my heart: it broke apart. The bird of heaven is opening its wings."-RUMI

Translation

I like this poem translated by him. And this poem too.

I was looking through the poetry section at two of my local bookstores, and really, the poetry selection there sucks. It bores me. I ended up leaving with two books, both translations of foreign poets. Sometimes I feel the poetry here has been so elevated to this crazy academic level of perfection, instead of being organic and real and hard. I get tired of the prettiness of it all...

My friend Donna lives above one of my former creative writing professors, Irving Feldman. I guess she must have told him that I ask about him from time to time (even though he drove me crazy in his classes----grrrrrrrrrrrr---I even wrote a poem about it) and he mentioned to her he wanted me to come to some reading he was giving. But she forgot about it because it was when her aunt was dying.

Anyway, I was surprised he remembered me. Even though we argued a lot in his class, he did seem to like me. And actually, once he found out I was a classically trained clarinetist, and I sang with THE chorus, his attitude toward me changed dramatically (though that annoys me on some level).

Well, anyway, his writing is of the academically perfect, MacArthur fellowship, type that I do not write like.