Marriage Dream

I had a very long and extended dream about David and I last night. David is my former boyfriend (for 8 years) prior to the last 2 years of dating crap. He is still one of my closest friends (smartest person I know, brilliant as a matter of fact ---he's scoffing right now as I write that---whom I call for every question I can't answer, literally).

Anyway, I don't know how it all started, but in the dream, he and I were having a conversation and I eventually said something about getting married. Like, lets just get married then and get it over with (so romantic). And he thought to himself for a few minutes (very pensive, we both get annoyed with each other telling a story--me at him for his long grand pauses, and he at me for recalling every minute detail in hyperstyle) and said "Ok then, let's get married."

What? I was in shock. But I was excited too (though there was a part of me that was super anxious about it). So we started making plans. It was to be an outdoor wedding where I would walk down this long boardwalk through the woods. I fretted over my dress (which was to be a simple sheath of pale green--nice :) and shoes and the flowers I would carry.

Suddenly it was the day of the actual wedding and I freaked out because I realized that I hadn't sent out any invitations (talk about self-sabotage!). My friends and family knew about it, but I was very upset thinking that no one would show up. David was calm, as always, and said that of course everyone would be there.

Then I didn't have the correct shoes. Then it started to rain. Everything was going wrong. I ended up alone in my apartment. We never did have the ceremony. But somehow it felt like I was married in the end after all. It wasn't how I wanted it to be. I felt deflated and disappointed. Of course I did feel that way in our relationship, wanting to get married and have a child, and he not wanting that at all.

Well, I suppose that IS how I feel in real life right now too, just not with him anymore (reconciled all that).