Kiss My Tiara (please)

I consider myself first and foremost a poet, if not in actual writing terms, definitely in approach to life. Whatever that means. Then I consider myself a writer who writes about things that "matter." (I have a feeling that a character who works in an animal lab and has to guillotine (sp?) the heads of little mice, will be appearing soon in a short story) (very disturbing...). And lastly, I guess some people find me funny. I am just being over-the-top story-telling me. But in the vein of the book Kiss My Tiara (How to rule the world as a smart-mouth goddess), I offer you the following:

I just happened to check my stats on my other not-proper-for-general-audiences rated blog (which, thank you to my very faithful I-read-you-with-my-coffee-in-the-morning readership, has now passed the 11,000 hits mark :) (for those of you who don't know, it is a blog about my dating experiences and the numerous cads I've endured over the last two years---ugh) and I see that someone was looking through some of the archives. I clicked on one of the referring links and came across this little ditty which when I re-read it, made me laugh. Of course, we all love our darlings (who said we should kill our darlings??) But I thought I'd share it anyway. Watch out for obscenity!

HOTHEAD
So apparently I am NOT allowed to have feelings. This seems to be the general feeling of the men who I interact with, both in person and online. If I DO have a feeling, I am to KEEP IT TO MYSELF (unless of course the feeling is one along the lines of "wow, you've got a big dick, can I suck it?").

Do I sound a little bit angry? WRONG. I have no feelings. I am dead. Hence, the little status message next to my Yahoo screename now says "dead." Just to be clear to all the men that I no longer have feelings, so they can feel free to message and interact with me without fear of having to be, GASP, responsible!!

Oh, those exclamation marks suggest that I am currently experiencing a feeling. Do not be mislead. I am not feeling a single solitary thing. Really.

Now P on the other hand certainly has his share of feelings, and I am so lucky that he likes to share them with me. I mean, after all, most men just refuse to share their feelings. Not P, AKA Hothead. That is his new name. Hothead. Why?

Because he so freely shares his feelings of anger with me. Wow. I feel so honored. I, on the other hand mistakenly said I was sad that he was sending sex cartoons to his buddies (somehow I ended up on this list) and then he tells me he is waaaaaaaaay too busy to send any offline messages or emails. I was not really sad. I made that up. Because, as I have mentioned, I HAVE no feelings.

How silly of me to make that mistake. How dumb of me to think that I should have feelings and that I might be able to express them. Hmmm.

Fear not men of substance and passion, Miss B no longer has any feelings, unless of course, as mentioned before, they are of a "come-fuck-me" nature.

I am so glad to have cleared this up.