Other People's Comments

I have to say, that I am touched and impressed by the level of comments here on my blog. I want those of you, the very few of you who have commented recently, to know that truly, it means a lot to me what you have contributed. I like some of the things so much, that I am going to post them here (hope this is ok :)

As you know, those of you who have been reading along from the beginning, this blog was started as an attempt to consolidate my multiple creative blogs (poetry, photos, novel, griping) into a central place where I could post my creative efforts and discuss art and its place in everyday life. I never intended for it to get personal. But as life has a way, it has intruded even here. My failed relationship/dating efforts have shown up on occasion, and most recently, the death of my beloved remaining cat, Ellie, has been a focus of my attention.

No one posted comments much until Ellie died, and then I started bemoaning my pathetic love life, because I was too weak or tired or sad, to keep quiet here.

But your comments have helped. Here are some of them:

Years ago, I heard someone say that women give sex to get love and men give love
to get sex. For a generality, it's a pretty good one, I think. It also speaks to
some basic differences between men and women that I believe may be "hard-wired"
from birth and that get reinforced by social norms. Some of those
characteristics make men attractive on some level to women but also make them
not worth having.I think women and men have different goals in life. Men are
more interested in individual success and women are more partner or team
oriented in their definition of success. For a man to get what he wants, he
almost has to shove aside a woman to make it feel like a true success.

--Unapologetic

I can't believe I'm going to turn to my Catholic upbringing for a comment about anything, but it may be relevant. A long time ago, I heard about the parable of the thimble and the barrel. One of the apostles pointed out to Christ that some believers, no matter how devout, really aren't spiritually well-developed enough to experience the full measure of spiritual happiness, while others can know a joy that is far beyond the capability of most people. Christ likened the situation to a thimble and a barrel. Both can be full and both will feel and experience the fullness as complete. Their sense of fullness doesn't depend on a comparison with the other. They feel what they are capable of feeling. I think it's the same with grief. Your sadness may seem less justifiable if you compare the loss of a cat with the loss of a child. But that's not the source of the sense of loss. You have every right and every reason to feel the pain of loss regardless of its source. The fullness of your experience (and your recovery from your grief) won't be measured by comparison. Don't scold yourself for feeling loss. Commend yourself for being someone who could love a humble cat enough to now be grieved by its passing. Your grief isn't selfish. It's honest.

--Unapologetic

There's no sign anywhere that says the other half of the tribe cannot comment here, so let me just say thanks for the very real feelings you're sharing. Men hide this stuff away and never let anyone know they get torn up about things and later they find themselves getting all twisted up about something totally unrelated. But we go through it too nevertheless. This is what I told my daughter who recently had a relationship that didn't work out. She was shattered. I said try to imagine a string from the future is trying to pull you through a room filled with obstacles. Your daemons are trying the best they can to get you were you're going, but you keep getting wrapped around the obstacles. If they pull too hard, the string will break.

--Dean

(By the way Dean, I can't get your blog to load! Grrrrrrrr....)

What's even more amazing, is that both these posts were written by men. It gives me hope. Thanks :)