interesting artistic coincidence

TIMING

My timing has always been bad. I attribute this trait to my
grandfather (the photographer) who waited for hours in the snow and
cold to capture on film the collapse of the Honeymoon Bridge over the
gorge in Niagara Falls. He and his friend were tired, and they went to
get coffee, and hurried back. Only to find that in that short span of
time, the bridge had collapsed. He missed the shot. We have photos of
the aftermath, but not the actual movement.

What makes me think of this, is what just happened today. It's
happened before with this particular person. Someone I love very much,
but who seems to find the moment when I have a grant due or writing
project deadline or something important to me artistically, the time
to discuss our major issues. Or not discuss them, as the case may be.
Today is one of those days I have a creative deadline. And today he
decided to have an emotional upheaval.

I can't quite decide if this is inspiration, being in the state of
grief, or if it is immobilizing. Sometimes pain really does make me
more creative, but other times it sends me into shut-down mode. I
suppose some people equate pain with artists. But I like to think that
the moments I am most creative, are when my timing is perfect, when I
am in that "flow" that has been written about.

When I think about it, my timing isn't bad this time. He's the one
with bad timing. Maybe I am moving away from being the one who misses
opportunities. Now I just have to move away from other people with
that problem.

It's been a long day already. But I will complete my project. It's the
only thing sometimes. Today that is true.