From my short story "Would Live On"

I hung up the phone. It rang intermittently for about an hour, until I pulled the cord from the jack. In the silence I re-read my journal. All the things he had said were scribbled throughout, amidst fragments of poems and songs, quotes and observations. I read them over and over until they blurred beneath the strain of my tears.


...you are resting in..... my heart like a stone... maybe....... you were sent to me..... blessing from God..... how can you... when you know....... what's between us it's like we are......... soul mates or something.... I need you..... I need you how can...... you are resting..... I....... don't know what I'm doing.... I'm......... questioning everything.......... we're connected at the sou..........l.....tell me ...c'mon let me...... read it..... I missed you.... courage like desire.... you know you want to.know...... the worst thing you've ever done mingled......with yours forever.... and forever I am sorry she'll change..... her.... mind forever dust..... writing... everything down I'm not............. going to just stop being....... friends.... with you.... I can't talk..... about this now or I'll cry...... that's so beautiful at a point where I need......... to look at all angles of things funny.................. how you wrote.......... that........ and then we saw........ each.... I knew.... someday forever dust courage why can't it just be...... simple why all these twists..... and turns.....when did we get........ so close first......... dive into a cool pond........ I don't.... talk to anyone else like........ this did you..... miss me just you....... come and see........ me you are resting.................. my dust courage desire....... mingled......... with don't...... be mad you're breaking......... my heart Sylvie sorry....... I am........ rain......... against my window......... you don't...... understand do.... you hate....... me I don't know.......... how I......... feel courage........ desire sorry........ blessing...connected........ soul.... friends.......... just......

I laid on the floor of my apartment for hours, stretched out then curling into a ball. I was like a starfish in the tide, squeezing into myself as the water flowed away, then reaching out as the water returned. This was the way it happened, the way we ended. Me reveling in his words, then dying as they faded away. Eventually I packed the journal away and didn't look at it anymore. The book would someday turn to dust, even though I knew that his words would live on forever.